Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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