I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
