I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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