it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize