You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
