so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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