yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize