you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
