hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
