Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
