Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
