why didn't you poke me back
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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