I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
