Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
