I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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