K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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