Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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