I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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