I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
