So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
