I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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