Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
