They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
