I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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