You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
