Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
