i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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