His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
