I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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