guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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