apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
