Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
