Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
