No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
