KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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