Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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