you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
