I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize