you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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