No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
