I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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