You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
