If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
