happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
