I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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