Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
