he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
