I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pants are for mortals
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
