You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize