My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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