Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
