So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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