i jhust puked up my retainher.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize