me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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