He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
