somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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