He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
