called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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