It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
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