God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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