I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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