if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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