when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
