Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
