..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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