hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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