O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
