We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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