sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
